Hesitation

Eyes open for the light

One blink and it´s over.

This moment it shall pass

For the time can´t go slower.

One hesitant moment

That´s your breaking point.

Can´t go any further

Ships are leaving from the port.

It´s a sparkling moment

Life goes just that fast.

Doesn´t just stare and stop

We live and we last.

But then it´s all just the past.

When the levee breaks (for Creative writing)

    She was sitting at her desk. Head down. There was nothing special about her that day. Her long wavy blond hair was falling down covering her face. Fingers moving rapidly, creating a rhythm of typing sounds. Faster and faster.
    The funny-coloured cat, usually calmly sleeping in her lap, was now annoyed, craving for her attention but she didn´t even notice the cat was there. It was like she had a bubble around her head. A weak sternutation followed. Cat jumped down from the table and left her in a great displease.
    Regardless the cat, she didn´t stop frowning at the screen. No! This wasn´t the time to give up. She continued. This work was all that mattered.

    Days followed and no guests would stop by. She didn´t care. All that was in her mind was the work.
    Her laptop was moaning and wheezing. At this point it was very angry at her. It would purposely make some mistake here and there for her; she would swear, correct the mistake and continue writing the work.
   
    Few more days passed and the laptop was really annoyed. It started eating her bit by bit. Fingers came first. Blood was dripping through the keys in the keyboard and continued to the desk and to the floor.
    At first she didn´t even notice but when it came to the knuckles she became aware of it.
    As revenge she brought some greasy food and smeared the oil and fat all over the laptops back.
    Since she didn´t have any fingers on her hands she put the laptop on the ground, sat there herself and continued in the work with her bare feet.
    Laptop continued in its wicked plan and even though this was a disgusting job to do, it didn´t stop eating.
    Even this was noticed after some time. She had one last choice. She put a pen between her teeth and with a thought of an amazing success she CONTINUED...
    The last came the tongue
    ....and the last page to go...
    Yet, she couldn´t finish it.
    There was nothing left for her and from her. She started crying. Fell down on the floor, face touching the keyboard. The screen showed:  gbakjshhhhhhhhhhhhfddddddddffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

    She woke up in a white room. Unable to move. Soon enough she found out nothing from her body was missing. A man in a white coat was watching her from the corner of the room.
    “Please, keep calm.” Said the man in a low voice. “You are currently at St Paul´s hospital. We are here to help you.”
    She wanted to move but was chained with leather strips. Then she remembered.
    “The work! I need to finish it! It was the laptop! You need to bring it! I NEED TO FINISH MY WORK!!!”
    He glanced at her with a sad look in his eyes, wrote something down and left the room.

      

2015!!!

New year here guys!

Bit late but anyway... Yeah I'm usually late but nevermind. It's 2015!
Some expect the world to end (right Richard?) and some are enjoying that they are living the best moments in their lives (so far). But seriously! What is better than sinking into the new cover of snow which is trying to get in touch with your socks even though you have high boots (I'm not good at maths but I would bet my socks there was at least 30 cm of snow) and then build yourself Larry the Snowman? This is the real pleasure.

I consider myself a happy person because even though the snow will disappear and Larry will melt (Alright you got me... he is dead already. Some kids from our village did it. I really tried to commence the investigation but my parents told me there was nothing i could do.) I will still have some cards in my sleeve. Or am I in THE SLEEVE?

Okay, I'm sorry I don't really know what am I talking about right now.

However this is all lovely and I have things to be looking forward.... school is coming and there is nothing I can do about it. That makes me sick actualy(or maybe it is just that I had too large lunch, doesn't really matter)! The thing is I should study, right? And I am building snowmen instead (RIP Larry). But since I have 2 more days I still don't panic THAT much!!!

Just learning some German irregular verbs (nobody wishes to hear me speaking German for German makes me THE MONSTER of all) but yeah, not much to say about THAT.

And since I still have 2 days till the school begins, of course I have something to watch as well. There's this thing I'm on right now. TV series Black Mirror! (tum dum duuum!)

Say whatever you want but these (from time to time gross) episodes are a perfect alarm clock. These series show our world about this time.. few years later time... few decades later time... it doesn't really matter. It looks like a perfect future in one moment but a horror story in the very next one. You don't even have time to blink and everything goes down with your ship!

These perfect dystopic (yes, I know Richard, I know :D shhhs) stories are always set in a whole new reality with different cast and different idea. The only connection is the topic which is dystopia of the technological age.
It is sure worth watching if you have time for it (or you just procrastinate like me).

Alright so I think this is all I wanted to say and................ yeah! Right! Stay happpppppyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
See ya next time! ;)

The Ribbon

Why things don't go away

Why things don't pass.

Some scars I will carry

Everywhere, they will be mine.

Some things don't pass

They need to be felt

Some things they hurt

They bite they don't haste.

Maybe after a week

It won't be visible.

I might forget

And I might lose myself.

Or will I find myself?

Will I ever?

This should have never been

This was just a fail.

I'm down on my knees

I don't pray 

I don't lie

And I can't handle this.

When pain is too large

I will make it

To go to the last row

This one doesn't hurt that much.

I can't even hold 

My body straight.

I got lost

There is no way back. 

The Morning Train

Just as late as always

coming to the station.

Still counting the ways

how to wake up the nation.

All the rush and haste

those faces around bored

feeling the bitter taste

of minds full of unspoken words.

In and out they go

looking all the same.

Like an infinite flow

and I'm guessing all the names.

Inside all like outside

maybe little warmer.

People sitting by my side

feels like in an empty corner.

(still a bit rough though....)

The day I decided to procrastinate

11/17/2014

I believe that whoever you are, you can surely remember the feel when you had to learn so many things for school that it became unbearable. Well, that's basically what happens to me all the time. But today, today was different. Because I decided to procrastinate a bit. Or more.

It started when Richard (who "you all know" R:uh..) mentioned that his friend randomly suggested going to a cinema to see Interstellar. A new film in 2014. After reassuring me that it was really okay that I went with them I agreed because I wanted to see it anyway.
What a nice feel it is, when you stop thinking about anything else like school, home, problems... and just randomly go to the cinema with amazing people. I hope I don't have to mention that counting every burst of laughter I had would be really a hard work so I'm not going to bother you with that.

So yeah, imagine 3 random people not really familiar with the map of the city walking to a certain spot which is like 50 minutes from the place we were in the beginning. My knees (which declared a revolt about an half a year ago) didn't really agree on that scenario but I managed... and after refusing being carried I found myself many moments later, at the spot we were heading from the beginning. And what relief that was.
Few moments later (shorter than before) we were all three seated in the upper part of the cinema with large Coca-Cola cups in our hands waiting for the film to begin (with my head resting on Richard's shoulder because... because the way up was very exhausting I must say).

Okay, last pop out for a toilet and back. Lights went out and the screen lightened up. And about a million commercials later.............dum-dum-dum-dum............. the film started!
To tell the truth I was expecting action from the beginning of the film. But later I found out why the film was so looong. After longish, boring start of the film,  came the action. Later on it got so intense that I was afraid I might eventually crush [R: Demolish] my neighbour's hand.

As I really like to watch films I can not hold myself not to tell you some basics about this film as a little review.
If you are a fan of Sci-fi films, this one is made just for you. Or maybe. Depends also whether you don't mind long boring beginnings. Otherwise as I said before the film was full of action and emotional moments. What really pleased me is that this film doesn't talk much about any romance or sex... those emotions in the film are purer than that. It's mostly family. And then somehow the whole humanity. Because as a sci-fi of this time it also includes quite and important question which might be very accutare just few decades maybe from now on. The food. I like the elegancy of dealing with this problem. I mean in a way. Well, they travel through time and space so I think sci-fi used its genre as much as it could. The makers were driven by their imagination completely. I also must highlight the fact that even though there were some parts which could've been guessed on the other hand some parts were a real secret. There were so many things that I really wouldn't guess. It just kept surprising me. And lastly the special effects which were pretty decent. I mean for a technique we have now I think they  used it up as much as they could've. So decide on your own. The choice is yours after all.

After the last scene it took us a while to realise what had just happened and what was going on at the moment. When we have finally woken up our senses to life we headed to... the toilets of course. But after that to a bus stop. I think none of us would be that cheery about walking back since every each of us suffered from some pain at the time. But I guess I was the main reason (sorry guys). And so we went and both me and Richard found out we would have to wait another hour for our transports. And so I suggested going to a Caffé or something and we ended up in McCafé. Funny random thing was also meeting a random friend from school there. "Coinsidence? I think not!" (sorry just a quote from a fairytale)

But anyway. The time had passed really fast and we soon had to go back to the station again. And so we went and as I was the first one who had a bus there I said goodbies and hugged them (half unsuccessfully) and went home.

So that's that. Maybe my marks will suffer [R: as your knees did] ... I don't know. But it was certainly worth it.

(Thank you guys!)

My Depression?

What is a depression? I don’t like starting articles (not that I start that many of them) with a question, but right now as it is, I don’t really care.  I think I may very well be in one of those so called depressions.

First of all, I have no idea whatsoever why am I writing this to a blog that no one reads, but on the other hand I think I just want to write my thoughts somewhere because I think keeping them to myself would eventually lead me to some kind of implosion and imminent destruction of myself and could lead to permanent craziness, which is something I’d like to avoid. So without further ado, let’s write my story, of a stupid teenage boy who has problems with himself.

Some people have depression because of school, bad results… some have depression because of the loss of loved ones. All valid reasons that are acceptable around people. Then there is me, who has no idea why does he have the depressions in the end. Or maybe I do have an idea and I am just confused. But I think I can agree on the fact I didn’t have them since I was young. It’s recent. Since 2 years ago, I’ve become such a weird person and I can’t get over the fact how or why I am staying the same way. I have this problem with forgetting the bad things I do to people and then I tend to feel guilty for them for… like ever. This used to be a problem with my ex, since every little thing I did that made her sad or feel bad, I remembered and eventually I went onto a self-destructive path of not even trying to save our relationship when it was falling apart because I just thought to myself that this is the last time I am going to hurt her and after that it will get better.

Well, it did not. Even before I thought something was weird. That’s then I started thinking about it, why am I sad? Why am I depressed if I have no reason? I hated hurting people and making them feel bad, that was probably why. But that was not it. Sometimes I would be happy and not care about these things much and just ignore everything bad. Could it be schizophrenia? Probably not...  Eventually my brain started telling me to decrease the amount of people I was talking to, so I did and ended up being quite alone. The solitude really changes a person. It became so, that I had no one to talk to about things. Everyone I talked to was gone during the summer and the only people I interacted with were classmates… and my ex who went out hiking with me, which ended up as us being friends with her again, which was also against my policy to not hurt her anymore. Because everything I do hurts someone for some reason. My conversations with others became more of a “what happened in school” and “could you help me with this?”. As I said, I enjoyed helping people, but people only contacting me to ask for my help was kind of … painful. I don’t even know if you can call this period of mine as a period of depression or if it was only sadness, but it was unbearable.

I kind of lost all my interest in this time. Hiking, playing on guitar, heck even playing computer games which used to be my time wasting activity. I had nothing to do so I just went on through with my life trying to survive in school, which was pretty hard at this point. And I didn’t even mention my immunity system. For some reason while in depressions I managed to be sick all the time meaning even my progress in school stalled and I just gave up on trying to understand anything. I started to think of myself as an insignificant person and scum. I stopped talking to some people because I just felt that I don’t want them to be seen with me.  Things were like this until a random thing happened in my life. More on that later, maybe.

So yea that’s how I was until a few weeks back. I do think this is probably a stupid article or something and it will be deleted later. Just right now, I feel like actually posting it without any reason. Thanks for reading, if you did.