Attention :D

New short-stories-ish and poems are already in the process of rewriting :D
Coming soon:
HELPLESS SOUL,
A LATE ARRIVAL,
INSIDE,
EPI-FOR-YOU,
RED IS THE NEW BLACK
;)

Phony

Words of sweet denials,
words of the sweetest lies.
So bitter they cut
So bitter you bleed.

The truth is true no more,
it's the world itself.
It's the lonely mountain,
because no one's there.

Once the syllables are out
driven by all mighty lust,
there's no way you can trust
even if the time has passed.

It is just the question.
It's the voice inside your head.
It came from the outside
and there's nowhere you can hide.

They come and go.... They come and go...

Thoughts of the past,

thoughts of life -

-here they come at last-

cutting like a knife.

Here they come and go,

then you're empty,

you let it flow.

Here they come and go.

Thoughts of bitter tastes,

of the hate and haste.

Haste to keep it moving,

but instead of loving,

You just let them go...

The fireplace

He was sitting in front of the fireplace, his old companion throughout all those long lonely evenings. It always gave him this feel that he was being tended for. The comfortable warm radiation licking his old woolen socks would always calm him to sleep, but not today. For today was special. It’d been long since it was snowing this much. Snowflakes of size of feathers were falling in a swirling gentle motion.

The last time the night was this white was… the night to remember. But that was a long time ago. Those times he could still recognize his sweet Anna, those times he would hold her hand and they would talk about little things. The fire in the fireplace would enclose both of them and they would lightly kiss goodnight.

And at that moment, after all those years he tilted his head and looked at the spare armchair. Soft and lovely just like in those times, but empty.

Smiling face, flowing locks of hair, dancing together with her body in the rhythms of the music coming from their freshly bought gramophone.

His heart pushed at the wall of his chest, taking the last thump for itself… and for her.

Flowers in a Jar

Just now… it would do. Yes, it must do. It would JUST do. But „just“ is not enough, is it? And she knew better than to rely on „just“. She knew that what she had to do, but it would maybe be too much, now wouldn’t it? No, no, enough is never too much. Just enough would do.

And so she picked another Othelly flower and started whistling for herself. Another bend, another pick, another flower. All over again. A slight grim started to form on her face while she was hopping around in a sheer delight. Another flower. Perhaps now it would do. ‘Would?’ What a horrid idea! Of course it wouldn’t do! Another bend, another flower.

She looked judgementally upon the basket full of her lovely little flowers. Now. Now it will do. Now it is just enough. She laughed a little, her voice full of bells. Now she would finally fall asleep. So many, oh, so many restless nights. Perhaps now she will rest for at least one night. Just imagine it! One Whole Night!

She caressed the sweet blue petals of her new friends. So fragile they were. Just like her. Oh, but she will have to drown them. Of course. That was the way of things. That was the way it would be. Otherwise she won’t sleep.

She whispered an apology, caressed them one more time and tucked them into the jar prepared just for them. Jar half filled with water, yes, it was the perfect place for them to be.

Then she closed it delicately, and shook. Once, twice… that would do.

Now would it?

Oh, silly thing she was, of course not.

…three times, four times. Now. Now it was just fine.

She held her breath as she was opening the jar again. Ah, the sweet smell of sleep. Here we go. She pushed her lips to the glass and took a sip. Then more… and more.

Of course, it was the time. And it was the place. The best place. Soft willow, sounds of whispering trees…

Yes, she would sleep now. Just one night, surely… Surel…..       

The Fall

When the breeze blows,

Whispers and howls

And caresses the trees,

When the leaves tremble

And in swirl they leave,

When the marks appear in pond,

Sharp round curves cut in

By the ever-blowing wind

And spread around is sweet

Quiet melancholy,

When your imagination

Fails to outstrip the reality,

Then it is the call

Of yet again returning Fall.

Happy, happy, happy...?

Hello again. It's been some time since I talked to you in a normal way, not through poems or obscene short stories. Even though I know probably nobody except me is interested in this blog, I still feel like if there is one more person reading this, why would I stop writing when it doesn't cost me almost anything at all... even though we say that "time is money".

This time I want to talk about something I've been wondering about pretty much my whole life. Happiness. This has been a subject of many worries and ponders. We all want to be happy. Even though I've realized that I miss from time to time the time to be very down and sad for some crazy reason, because it somehow excuses me to be alone for a while or something,... in a long term I do wish to be happy.

I've started reading this book The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin recently. At first I thought it would be something annoying like: "In this 1st lesson you should wake up every morning and try to say out loud how you WILL enjoy this day!"
In the end I'm really enjoying her story about how SHE tried to make her life better and how SHE was failing and winning and what SHE realized about life and happiness. In the meantime it really made a lot of sense and I adjusted HER situations to MY life.

I might not tide up my room every evening to make myself more free from all the things that would wait for me later, even though I admit it would make me more relaxed and thus more happy. I just can't make myself do it. On the other hand I found there many advises about relationships.

I really like the fact that when I learn how to be more happy, I will be less irritated and mean and more happy and cheery and I know that when I'm in that kind of mood I feel more like helping people and I want to make them happy as well. Thus making myself happy I'll make other people more happy. That is a good one, eh?

The hard thing about it is that I have to change and I will have to bite my tongue instead of saying something stingy to the other person, because I think it isn't right. It doesn't work like I go to someone I want to have a good relation with and tell them what they should do so I was happy so they can be happy. No. Unfortunately, it isn't that easy. However, it is not impossible. I've said this to many people and many of them still remember that if I'm really good at something it's hope. And I can always hope that my deeds will affect other people in some time.

Second thing in my be-happier list is to not complain so much. I know myself that when other people complain to me and I am not in a mood of helping or even listening to it, it can get really annoying and I am also aware of that, that when I am complaining, it is similar and therefore I cannot be angry when somebody doesn't seem 100% interested and mostly when it's somebody I expect it from... like my boyfriend. This one is maybe even harder. I am the type who would complain all the time about my life, about my health, about people around me... And I just have to get used to the fact that people will rather listen about what's the weather today and that many times those things I complain about don't really matter.

This is just a tiny little piece of knowledge that I've obtained from the book and from "monitoring" my own life. Okay this is a bit like a review, but not really. If you are interested, sure, read the book. I'm sure it has something to say to EVERYONE. Anyway, I only wanted to share my bit and since this is a blog after all, I think subjectivity has its place here.

Okay, so... I'm happy I made myself to sit down and write a bit here again and I'd be really happy to find out there is somebody else also reading this, but you know, life.... :)