The Ribbon

Why things don't go away

Why things don't pass.

Some scars I will carry

Everywhere, they will be mine.

Some things don't pass

They need to be felt

Some things they hurt

They bite they don't haste.

Maybe after a week

It won't be visible.

I might forget

And I might lose myself.

Or will I find myself?

Will I ever?

This should have never been

This was just a fail.

I'm down on my knees

I don't pray 

I don't lie

And I can't handle this.

When pain is too large

I will make it

To go to the last row

This one doesn't hurt that much.

I can't even hold 

My body straight.

I got lost

There is no way back. 

The Morning Train

Just as late as always

coming to the station.

Still counting the ways

how to wake up the nation.

All the rush and haste

those faces around bored

feeling the bitter taste

of minds full of unspoken words.

In and out they go

looking all the same.

Like an infinite flow

and I'm guessing all the names.

Inside all like outside

maybe little warmer.

People sitting by my side

feels like in an empty corner.

(still a bit rough though....)

The day I decided to procrastinate

11/17/2014

I believe that whoever you are, you can surely remember the feel when you had to learn so many things for school that it became unbearable. Well, that's basically what happens to me all the time. But today, today was different. Because I decided to procrastinate a bit. Or more.

It started when Richard (who "you all know" R:uh..) mentioned that his friend randomly suggested going to a cinema to see Interstellar. A new film in 2014. After reassuring me that it was really okay that I went with them I agreed because I wanted to see it anyway.
What a nice feel it is, when you stop thinking about anything else like school, home, problems... and just randomly go to the cinema with amazing people. I hope I don't have to mention that counting every burst of laughter I had would be really a hard work so I'm not going to bother you with that.

So yeah, imagine 3 random people not really familiar with the map of the city walking to a certain spot which is like 50 minutes from the place we were in the beginning. My knees (which declared a revolt about an half a year ago) didn't really agree on that scenario but I managed... and after refusing being carried I found myself many moments later, at the spot we were heading from the beginning. And what relief that was.
Few moments later (shorter than before) we were all three seated in the upper part of the cinema with large Coca-Cola cups in our hands waiting for the film to begin (with my head resting on Richard's shoulder because... because the way up was very exhausting I must say).

Okay, last pop out for a toilet and back. Lights went out and the screen lightened up. And about a million commercials later.............dum-dum-dum-dum............. the film started!
To tell the truth I was expecting action from the beginning of the film. But later I found out why the film was so looong. After longish, boring start of the film,  came the action. Later on it got so intense that I was afraid I might eventually crush [R: Demolish] my neighbour's hand.

As I really like to watch films I can not hold myself not to tell you some basics about this film as a little review.
If you are a fan of Sci-fi films, this one is made just for you. Or maybe. Depends also whether you don't mind long boring beginnings. Otherwise as I said before the film was full of action and emotional moments. What really pleased me is that this film doesn't talk much about any romance or sex... those emotions in the film are purer than that. It's mostly family. And then somehow the whole humanity. Because as a sci-fi of this time it also includes quite and important question which might be very accutare just few decades maybe from now on. The food. I like the elegancy of dealing with this problem. I mean in a way. Well, they travel through time and space so I think sci-fi used its genre as much as it could. The makers were driven by their imagination completely. I also must highlight the fact that even though there were some parts which could've been guessed on the other hand some parts were a real secret. There were so many things that I really wouldn't guess. It just kept surprising me. And lastly the special effects which were pretty decent. I mean for a technique we have now I think they  used it up as much as they could've. So decide on your own. The choice is yours after all.

After the last scene it took us a while to realise what had just happened and what was going on at the moment. When we have finally woken up our senses to life we headed to... the toilets of course. But after that to a bus stop. I think none of us would be that cheery about walking back since every each of us suffered from some pain at the time. But I guess I was the main reason (sorry guys). And so we went and both me and Richard found out we would have to wait another hour for our transports. And so I suggested going to a Caffé or something and we ended up in McCafé. Funny random thing was also meeting a random friend from school there. "Coinsidence? I think not!" (sorry just a quote from a fairytale)

But anyway. The time had passed really fast and we soon had to go back to the station again. And so we went and as I was the first one who had a bus there I said goodbies and hugged them (half unsuccessfully) and went home.

So that's that. Maybe my marks will suffer [R: as your knees did] ... I don't know. But it was certainly worth it.

(Thank you guys!)

My Depression?

What is a depression? I don’t like starting articles (not that I start that many of them) with a question, but right now as it is, I don’t really care.  I think I may very well be in one of those so called depressions.

First of all, I have no idea whatsoever why am I writing this to a blog that no one reads, but on the other hand I think I just want to write my thoughts somewhere because I think keeping them to myself would eventually lead me to some kind of implosion and imminent destruction of myself and could lead to permanent craziness, which is something I’d like to avoid. So without further ado, let’s write my story, of a stupid teenage boy who has problems with himself.

Some people have depression because of school, bad results… some have depression because of the loss of loved ones. All valid reasons that are acceptable around people. Then there is me, who has no idea why does he have the depressions in the end. Or maybe I do have an idea and I am just confused. But I think I can agree on the fact I didn’t have them since I was young. It’s recent. Since 2 years ago, I’ve become such a weird person and I can’t get over the fact how or why I am staying the same way. I have this problem with forgetting the bad things I do to people and then I tend to feel guilty for them for… like ever. This used to be a problem with my ex, since every little thing I did that made her sad or feel bad, I remembered and eventually I went onto a self-destructive path of not even trying to save our relationship when it was falling apart because I just thought to myself that this is the last time I am going to hurt her and after that it will get better.

Well, it did not. Even before I thought something was weird. That’s then I started thinking about it, why am I sad? Why am I depressed if I have no reason? I hated hurting people and making them feel bad, that was probably why. But that was not it. Sometimes I would be happy and not care about these things much and just ignore everything bad. Could it be schizophrenia? Probably not...  Eventually my brain started telling me to decrease the amount of people I was talking to, so I did and ended up being quite alone. The solitude really changes a person. It became so, that I had no one to talk to about things. Everyone I talked to was gone during the summer and the only people I interacted with were classmates… and my ex who went out hiking with me, which ended up as us being friends with her again, which was also against my policy to not hurt her anymore. Because everything I do hurts someone for some reason. My conversations with others became more of a “what happened in school” and “could you help me with this?”. As I said, I enjoyed helping people, but people only contacting me to ask for my help was kind of … painful. I don’t even know if you can call this period of mine as a period of depression or if it was only sadness, but it was unbearable.

I kind of lost all my interest in this time. Hiking, playing on guitar, heck even playing computer games which used to be my time wasting activity. I had nothing to do so I just went on through with my life trying to survive in school, which was pretty hard at this point. And I didn’t even mention my immunity system. For some reason while in depressions I managed to be sick all the time meaning even my progress in school stalled and I just gave up on trying to understand anything. I started to think of myself as an insignificant person and scum. I stopped talking to some people because I just felt that I don’t want them to be seen with me.  Things were like this until a random thing happened in my life. More on that later, maybe.

So yea that’s how I was until a few weeks back. I do think this is probably a stupid article or something and it will be deleted later. Just right now, I feel like actually posting it without any reason. Thanks for reading, if you did. 

Actually, if you are reading this, there are no articles written yet, so feel free to check out author information on top of the page!  THERE ARE NOW, READ ON

Lucy is a very sad panda

(R:)
Once upon a time, there was a Lucy. This Lucy. was a special Lucy. She didn't want to eat. At all. Pandas who don't like to eat are usually looked upon by other people because they lost their will to live, but Lucy was special. She was the only panda, born in the last 500 years that had the mark of the star. There was an old Chinese tale, about pandas going extinct but one female would save all. And it was the one marked with a star. So.. it was really imporant to keep Lucy alive and well. She didn't want to be well.